My beautiful cat Momo got sick earlier in the year, right about when Covid-19 started, so I joked with twisted humor that it was the Momovirus. In March, I found out her kidneys are failing, so as usual*, she and I addressed our fear with song.

With thanks to the Talking Heads, Dr. Wiseman (who got thrown under the bus again), and to the scientists who are trying to help us understand what the fuck is going on.

* Years ago, we wrote The Cat-Car Blues.

It Was the Momovirus!

violent punk rock lament

by Lady Momo

They said I had a cold,
They said I had pneumonia,
They said I got a hold
Of a piece of bad bologna.
But they was wrong, mama:

It was the Momovirus.
It was the Momovirus!

Doc Wiseman dosed me with Azodyl,
Saying it’s my kidneys,
A white powder that tasted
suspiciously like treaties.
But he was wrong, so wrong.

It turned out, it was the Momovirus.
It was the Momovirus!
(The Momovirus.)

They tested me for feline leuk,
They tested me for rabies,
If I wasn’t watching,
they’d have tested me for babies.
But one thing they didn’t test,
Cause there’s none for cattus domesticus,
(or anybody elsus)
Was for the Momovirus.

It was the Momovirus!
It was the Momovirus!
It was the Momovirus!

It didn’t matter that I ran a fever.
It didn’t matter that I chucked up hard.
It didn’t matter that I had Covid Toe
on each of my polydactyl claws,
But it doesn’t matter, mama,
cause now I know,

I have the Momovirus.
I have the Momovirus.

Will I get convalescent plasma
From some lucky cat
or hydroxychloroquine, that kills more than it cures?
Or will I be a cavia porcellus for remdesivir?
I don’t know if I’ll end up on a ventilator,
if they have any to spare,
and I don’t know if I’ll find myself in a large automobile
out back of an underfunded Assisted Living Facility,
or in a recovery room in Hotel California.

Because I got the Momovirus.
Because I got the Momovirus.

I know I’m not the only cat,
The only cat so cursed.
I heard about a tiger at the San Diego zoo
And I heard about a Georgia Persian
Who was diagnosed with it too.

We’ve got the Momovirus.
We’ve got the Momovirus.

Who did I catch it from?
The cousin who wears his MAGA hat
but refuses to wear a mask?
or the lady at the pet food store,
who found herself an essential worker
in a literal deadend job?

Cause he got the Momovirus,
Cause she got the Momovirus,
I got the Momovirus!